The Exhaust Pipe that Launched a Thousand Endorsements

David Beckham. He’s no longer famous for bending the ball or for any of his other soccer skills. But something, shall we say, much bigger, has put him in the spotlight lately and has proven to be a VERY big deal.

I know all you sports guys have seen the ad. It’s Beckham’s Emporio Armani underwear campaign. And as I’m sure you all have noticed, it features Beckham and his, umm, assets in a very flattering manner. So flattering, even Sam Cassell is waddling around the court green with envy.

When the ad was first featured, I remember seeing it by the bus stop and thinking, “Well, now that is just the most ridiculous photoshopped picture I have ever seen.” And then, to make the whole ad campaign even more ridiculous, Posh Spice released a public statement saying, “He does have a huge one, though. He does. You can see it in the advert. It is all his. It is like a tractor exhaust pipe!”

A tractor exhaust pipe!? Come on. But apparently, you men out there bought it and sales for Georgio Armani underwear have skyrocketed 150% since the ad launched. The non-Emporio Armani underwear companies are up in arms over what to do. Calvin Klein is apparently offering Tom Brady millions to be his next model. After those Stetson ads, I don’t think any of us feel the need to see Tom Brady screaming in a car showing off his exhaust pipe.

Emporio Armani isn’t the only brand seeking something larger than life to promote its products. David Beckham is everywhere! He’s got a milk mustache for milk, he makes golf balls into soccer balls with his sharpie marker, he gets a close shave with Gillette, he’s prince charming in Disneyland, when he gets thirsty, and he’s not drinking milk, he drinks Pepsi, when he’s feeling chatty he calls Posh on his Motorola cell phone, when the sun is too bright for his eyes he puts on Police sunglasses, and when he’s feeling stinky he sprays his own cologne on.

Becks has proven that he really is a big deal. Even if the rest of us can’t believe it, his $250 million dollar deal with the LA Galaxy has brought real interest in professional soccer to America. And other teams are now looking to follow the Galaxy’s lead. Reports out of Portugal say that teams have been courting former world player of the year, Louis Figo. The only problem now is that the American players need to step up to the new level of talent that’s coming their way.

Maybe American soccer players just need a little more support. Maybe they should seek it out in Emporio Armani briefs.

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